Even with a humongous following on the internet for these topics, I still feel like that people have reserved it for anybody between the age of zero to eighteen - maybe even to twenty one. But after that - you're kind of on your own. You have to be cautious of who you tell. It's like a big anxious, cute bunny waiting inside of you waiting to find a person you could trust or person with your same interests to talk to. I'm not saying that everyone will reject you because of it, but just that after your turn 20 you're not allowed to watch cartoons anymore! Or anime or cute stuff! It's not really socially acceptable. Yet. Maybe it's just me, but I feel that the social standard is to be shy and awkward. For example, I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday ready to nerd out on some Web Design magazines when I spotted a magazine labeled "Neo". It had a cute anime character on the front and japanese writing too. I was sold. But sort of unconsciously, I slipped it under my web design magazine, I didn't want anyone to see me carrying it. I thought it would be too typical - a young Asian girl carrying a japanese anime magazine. Ever since I was young I wanted to fight the kawaii force! But alas, at 23 it seems to have come full circle after watching so many cartoons in Korea while I was young. Walking up to the cash register, I set my magazines down and pretended to fumble in my purse, slightly awkward and embarrassed. She asked for my phone number - which I know by heart - and I couldn't get past the first three numbers so I made the rest up! She said she couldn't find the number. I looked up my boyfriends instead. I finally made it home and skimmed through Neo. It was amazing! I didn't know half of what the animes were because I'm sadly not up to date with them. But just seeing all of them made me feel at home in Korea, and like I was in Japan again! I decided that it's worth it. And to memorize my phone number for next time.
So where does this leave me at? An awkward half asian girl not ready to admit to some of the stereotypes that I have. I'll still attend my anime and comic cons, still eye googling at all the wares that are displayed. I've found a friend who appreciates the culture of anime more than I do. And I think that maybe as an adult, you realize that you either learn that we're not all the same, or you join the drones of "little houses on the hillside". I'm sure that I'll forget my phone number again or cringe when another person sees me with something kawaii or anime - eqsue. But it's a part of my culture that I love, one I grew up with, and one I don't want to give up. Maybe I just need to start accepting myself first.
And perhaps that begins with purchasing my first wig. Pink and long and curly. :)
